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I AM SO DEPRESSED.
I NEVER WANT TO GO
TO THE FARMER’S MARKET AGAIN.
WE DON’T EVEN
DESERVE THIS KALE.
I WANNA KALE MYSELF.
WHY DID WE HAVE
TO RUN INTO LIZETTE?
-LIZETTE.
-LIZETTE?
HOW DOES
“THIN-LIPPED” LIZETTE
FROM HIGH SCHOOL
HAVE A LIP-BALM EMPIRE?
REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE USED
TO CALL HER “LIZARD LIPS”?
YEAH.
WOW, WE WERE SO MEAN.
YEAH, FOR SOMEONE
SO BUSY,
SHE CERTAINLY
HAD PLENTY OF TIME
TO BRAG ABOUT HERSELF.
I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’RE 23
AND ALREADY WASHED UP.
RIGHT?
WHAT HAPPENED
TO OUR DREAMS?
YOU WERE GONNA BE
THE NEXT JULIA CHILD
WITH YOUR OWN RESTAURANT
AND COOKBOOK
AND TV SHOW.
YOU WERE GONNA HAVE
AN EMPIRE.
YEAH, I DON’T HAVE THAT.
AND I DON’T HAVE
A CORNER OFFICE
ON WALL STREET
WITH A HOT ASSISTANT
WHO’S SECRETLY
IN LOVE WITH ME.
-THIS IS A WAKE-UP CALL.
-YES IT IS.
-WE GOT TO START NETWORKING.
-YES WE DO.
WE’VE GOT TO START
EMAILING
ALL THE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
WE KNOW TO HELP US GET
TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
YES, I’M DOING THAT
RIGHT NOW.
OKAY.
WOW, I DON’T KNOW
ANY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.
OOH, DO YOU REMEMBER
LOGAN RAWLINGS?
THE LESBIAN
MAGAZINE EDITOR
-YOU FAKE-DATED TO HELP JOSH.
-YEAH!
SHE’S TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL
AND COULD TOTALLY
HELP ME GET TO
THE NEXT LEVEL.
WHAT IS
THE NEXT LEVEL?
YOU KNOW ALL
THOSE FOOD ARTICLES
YOU READ ABOUT?
YOU’RE LIKE, “I COULD’VE
WRITTEN THAT,” BUT YOU
NEVER WRITE ANYTHING?
YEAH, I’M REALLY
GOOD AT THAT.
WELL, WHY DON’T YOU
WRITE A FOOD ARTICLE
FOR HER MAGAZINE?
THAT IS
A GREAT IDEA, SOFIA.
YOU ARE THE SMARTEST
LOSER I KNOW.
(theme music plays)
♪ SHE IN THE SPOTLIGHT ♪
♪ AND SHE TURN HER HEAD ♪
♪ SHE RUN A RED LIGHT ♪
♪ ‘CAUSE SHE BAD LIKE THAT ♪
♪ I LIKE THAT, OOH, BABY,
OOH, BABY ♪

♪ BABY ♪
♪ I LIKE THAT, OOH, BABY,
OOH, BABY ♪

-MORNING, GUYS.
-Both: HEY-Y-Y.
HOW’S IT GOING, BUDDY?
AW, ARE YOU OKAY?
DO YOU NEED A HUG?
LOOK, I KNOW IT’S BEEN
A ROUGH FEW WEEKS WITH
MY WEDDING BEING CALLED OFF
AND GABI GETTING
BACK WITH COOPER,
BUT I’M OVER IT.
I’M FINE.
-AW.
-SURE YOU ARE.
-SUCH A TROOPER.
-YEAH.
HEY, STOP IT.
I’M SERIOUS.
I’VE MOVED ON.
IF YOU GUYS WANT
YOUR PAYCHECKS,
YOU WILL TOO.
WOW, LOOK HOW
FIT YOU ARE.
MUST BE ALL THAT
MOVING ON YOU’RE DOING.
HEY, GUYS, GUESS WHAT?
YOU’RE MOVING TO CHINA.
SO SAD. BYE!
NO.
I DECIDED I NEEDED
TO TAKE MY CAREER
TO THE NEXT LEVEL,
SO I CALLED
LOGAN RAWLINGS–
REMEMBER?
THE LESBIAN THAT ELLIOT
PIMPED ME OUT TO?
(laughs)
THAT WAS FUNNY.
WELL, SHE CALLED ME BACK
AND SHE WANTS TO HEAR
MY IDEAS
ON A FOOD ARTICLE
WRITTEN BY ME.
GABI, THAT’S GREAT.
I FEEL NOTHING…
BUT HAPPINESS…
FOR YOU.
-(phone rings)
-OH, THAT’S COOPER.
HI, SWEETCAKES.
I HAVE THE BEST NEWS.
SEE? SHE’S TALKING
TO COOPER
AND I’M FINE.
NO, MY NEWS
ISN’T THAT I MISS YOU.
THAT WOULDN’T BE NEWS.
I MISS YOU ALL THE TIME,
MY SUPER COOPER BEAR.
-SEE, I’M–
-(laughs)
NOT FINE.
I WILL BE IN MY OFFICE
WITH MY NOISE-CANCELING
HEADPHONES.
MY CHECK’S WRONG.
JOSH OVERPAID ME.
LIKE WAY OVERPAID ME.
WELL, HE WAY
UNDERPAID ME.
OH WAIT.
(chuckles)
THIS IS YOUR CHECK.
YOU MAKE MORE MONEY THAN ME?
YOU’RE HIS HOUSEKEEPER.
I’M HIS PUBLICIST!
SO? I’VE BEEN WITH JOSH
FOR A LONG TIME.
EXACTLY.
SHOULDN’T HE REALIZE
HOW WORTHLESS YOU ARE?
(cackles, cries)
OH, STOP IT.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS WALK IN THERE
AND ASK FOR A RAISE.
I DO IT
EVERY OTHER MONTH.
I COULD NEVER DO THAT.
WHY NOT?
LOOK,
I KNOW I COME OFF
AS THIS CONFIDENT
SELF-ASSURED
RENAISSANCE MAN…
TO WHO?
BUT, WHEN I WAS A KID,
THE ONE TIME I ASKED
FOR A BIGGER ALLOWANCE,
MY DAD WENT CRAZY.
I MADE 50 CENTS A WEEK
TILL I WAS 18.
BY THE TIME I SAVED UP
ENOUGH MONEY TO GO TO
A WHAM! CONCERT,
THEY BROKE UP!
MISS GABI DIAMOND.
HEY, LOGAN, THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR SEEING ME.
WHEN I TOLD MY FRIENDS
THAT I HAD A MEETING
-WITH THE GREAT
LOGAN RAWLINGS–
-DON’T.
DON’T DO THAT.
DON’T DO WHAT?
-KISS MY ASS.
-OH.
NO, NO, NO, I WOULDN’T.
I MEAN, I COULDN’T.
I MEAN–
YOU SHOULD TALK NOW.
I WANT A TOTALLY UNIQUE
AND HIP TAKE
ON THE SAN FRANCISCO FOOD SCENE
THAT HASN’T BEEN DONE BEFORE.
WELL, I HAVE A TON
OF COOL IDEAS.
AND I HAVE TWO MINUTES.
ARE YOU STROKING OUT?
GO.
OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW
EVERYBODY THESE DAYS
IS EATING PRETZELS?
NO.
WELL, THEY ARE.
I WAS THINKING
“30 NEW TWISTS
ON PRETZELS.”
GET IT?
PRETZEL? TWIST.
HERE’S A TWIST.
I LOVE IT 0%.
OKAY, WELL, I HAVE A TON
OF OTHER IDEAS.
“HOW TO IMPRESS
WITH A PANINI.”
GET IT?
PANINI? IMPRESS?
YOU KNOW WHAT
I’M GONNA PRESS?
THIS BUTTON. RAFAEL,
PLEASE SHOW MISS DIAMOND OUT.
NO, NO, NO,
LISTEN, LOGAN.
I AM A GREAT CHEF.
I COULD SIT HERE
AND TOSS OUT
A BUNCH OF GREAT FOODS
TO WRITE ABOUT,
-BUT I’M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
-30 SECONDS.
UH, BLT’S,
TETRAZZINI,
FANCY CHEESES,
NOUGAT, HOTCAKES,
LASAGNA–
-WAIT, DID YOU JUST SAY…
POT CAKES?
-NO.
MAYBE.
-THAT’S A FANTASTIC IDEA.
-WHICH IS WHY I SAID IT.
POT EDIBLES
ARE SO HOT RIGHT NOW.
YEAH.
YEAH THEY ARE.
EVERYBODY’S TALKING
ABOUT IT, THEN FORGETTING
WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT RUINS
THE WAY FOOD TASTES.
IT’S HARD TO COOK WITH.
TRUST ME, NO ONE
HAS EVER TASTED POT
IN ANY OF MY FOOD.
OKAY, GET ME A KILLER
500-WORD PIECE
ABOUT COOKING
WITH POT IN TWO DAYS
AND I’LL RUN IT
IN THIS MONTH’S ISSUE.
TWO DAYS?
I COULD HAVE IT
FOR YOU IN ONE.
-REALLY?
-NO, I’M GONNA NEED TWO.
WHOEVER SAID SUCCESS
DOESN’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT
HAS NEVER SPENT
THE NIGHT WITH ME.
LOGAN WANTS ME TO WRITE
AN ARTICLE FOR HER MAGAZINE.
OH MY GOD.
I GOT A MEETING
WITH ONE OF
THE MANAGING PARTNERS
TO TALK ABOUT A PROMOTION.
THAT’S AMAZING.
LET’S CELEBRATE
BY BUYING A BIG BAG
OF MARIJUANA.
UH, WHAT?
MY ARTICLE’S ABOUT
COOKING WITH POT.
POT? GABI.
SERIOUSLY, YOU’VE
NEVER COOKED WITH POT.
YEAH, I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO PAINT
WITH SOCKS EITHER, BUT OUR
BATHROOM TURNED OUT GREAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU’RE RIGHT.
LOOK AT US.
WE PUSH OURSELVES
AND THE WORLD OPENS UP.
SPEAKING OF PUSHERS,
DOES DIMEBAG DAVE
STILL LIVE DOWNSTAIRS?
NO, HE MOVED.
TO JAIL.
IF YOU’RE GONNA DO IT,
AT LEAST DO IT HONESTLY.
FAKE AN ILLNESS
AND GET A CANNABIS CARD
LIKE MY NANA DID.
I DON’T KNOW.
I’M ONLY GOOD AT LYING
TO PEOPLE I KNOW.
I’M STARTING TO GET
NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS
ABOUT THIS.
THAT’S PERFECT.
JUST TELL THE DOCTOR
YOU NEED WEED
TO CALM YOUR NERVES.
HEY, THAT’S A GREAT IDEA.
THEN I WON’T BE LYING.
BUT SINCE I WON’T BE LYING,
I WON’T BE NERVOUS.
SO I WILL BE LYING.
BUT I ALSO WON’T BE.
ARE YOU STONED ALREADY?
-ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS GONNA WORK?
-LET ME DO THE TALKING.
I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.
I’M FROM THE STREETS.
YOU GREW UP
IN A GATED COMMUNITY.
YEAH, BUT WAS IT KEEPING
PEOPLE OUT
OR US IN, CHICA?
-COME ON, SOFIA.
-SHH.
NEVER SAY
YOUR REAL NAME.
CALL ME LIL SO-SO.
SUP?
SO MY HOMEGIRL HERE
JACKED UP HER NECK
IN A DRIVE-BY.
ACTUALLY, IT WAS
A DRIVE-THRU.
MY KID’S MEAL
DIDN’T COME WITH A TOY
AND I WAS ALL “HELL NO–”
(yells)
-COULD I SEE THE DOCTOR?
-SURE.
HE’LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MOMENT.
-ACT LIKE YOU’RE IN PAIN.
-WHAT?
OW!
OKAY, WE’LL START
BY CHECKING YOUR VITALS.
WOW, YOU’RE A CASHIER
AND A DOCTOR.
YOU’RE A DOUBLE THREAT.
I’M ALSO A NOTARY PUBLIC,
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME.
CONSULTATION’S 200 BUCKS
AND IT INCLUDES
A HALF-OUNCE.
UH, 200 FOR A HALF-SACK?
THAT’S A STRAIGHT RIPOFF, G.
CUT THE ACT,
DORA THE EXPLORER.
IF YOU CAN FIND
A BETTER PRICE SOMEWHERE ELSE,
-HIT THE ROAD.
-OH, I CAN FIND
A BETTER PRICE.
BUT I DON’T LIKE
TO TAKE THE BUS AFTER DARK.
ELLIOT, JOSH IS
ALONE IN HIS OFFICE.
IT’S A PERFECT TIME
TO ASK FOR A RAISE.
I JUST GOT ANOTHER ONE.
I CAN’T DO THAT.
WHAT IF HE YELLS AT ME?
I’M ALREADY STARTING
TO SWEAT.
ELLIOT, JOSH ISN’T
YOUR DADDY.
NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES
YOU TRY TO SIT ON HIS LAP.
HEY, DAD–
I MEAN, JOSH?
I WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING.
OKAY, LOOK,
I KNOW WHEN GABI
WAS TALKING TO COOPER,
I LET MY FEELINGS
BUBBLE UP A LITTLE BIT,
BUT IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.
I’VE JUST GOT TO FOCUS
ON BEING HER BOSS
AND BEING PROFESSIONAL.
THAT’S BRILLIANT, JOSH.
IF I HAD A GLASS,
I WOULD RAISE IT TO YOU.
RAISE.
THAT’S A FUNNY WORD, HUH?
EVERYTHING OKAY, ELLIOT?
SEE, I’VE WORKED FOR YOU
FOR A WHILE,
AND THIS PLACE
IS LIKE A HOME TO ME,
EXCEPT THERE’S NO SHRINE
TO ANDERSON COOPER.
ARE YOU SICK?
YOU’RE SWEATING,
LIKE, A LOT.
AM I?
WHOA!
-ARE YOU OKAY?
-NEVER BETTER.
GOOD TALK.
GOTTA GO.
GIRL, ARE YOU
COOKING WITH WEED?
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?
IT’S COOL, YOLANDA.
JOSH IS LETTING ME.
OH.
THEN FIX ME UP
A GIN AND JUICE
AND LET’S BLOW
THIS PENTHOUSE PARTY UP!
HEY!
I’M MAKING EDIBLES
FOR MY ARTICLE
AND I HAVE TO TURN
THESE IN BY 3:00.
-HEY, GUYS.
-OH, HEY, JOSH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR LETTING ME USE THE KITCHEN.
-YOU’RE MY HERO.
-NO.
JUST YOUR BOSS
WHO THINKS OF YOU IN
A COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL
CAPACITY ONLY.
OH, I KNOW
WHAT’S GOING ON.
YOU’RE WORRIED THAT I’M GONNA
GET ANOTHER JOB AND LEAVE YOU.
HA HA, WELL,
IF YOU LEFT,
I’D LET YOU GO
BECAUSE I AM VERY GOOD
AT LETTING GO.
YOU DON’T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
I’M NOT.
THAT WOULD BE A FEELING
AND I DON’T HAVE THOSE.
BYE-E-E.
HE SEEMS REALLY STRESSED.
I’M GONNA PUT
A FEW OF THESE
ASIDE FOR HIM.
GABI, DON’T TASTE
TOO MUCH OF THAT.
I HAD A FRIEND GET SO HIGH,
SHE HAD SEX WITH
A BEANBAG CHAIR.
DON’T WORRY.
I’M ONLY TAKING TINY TASTES.
I HAVE TO MAKE SURE
IT DOESN’T TASTE LIKE POT
OR LOGAN’S NOT GONNA USE IT.
FINE.
DON’T COMING RUNNING TO ME
WHEN NORMAL SEX
DOESN’T FEEL GOOD
ANYMORE.
ENGAGING, FUNNY.
OH, THERE’S NO “W”
IN “MARIJUANA.”
BUT I’M IMPRESSED.
-REALLY?
-DON’T GET TOO EXCITED.
I HAVE TO TRY YOUR FOOD FIRST.
SON OF A BITCH.
ARE YOU SURE THERE’S
MARIJUANA IN THIS?
TONS. IT’S LIKE
A SETH ROGAN MOVIE
IN THERE.
CONGRATS, GABI.
YOU GOT YOUR
FIRST ARTICLE.
OH MY GOD,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
LOGAN, I’M SORRY
TO INTERRUPT.
WHAT? I’M MEETING WITH
A VERY TALENTED NEW WRITER.
WE’VE GOT A PROBLEM.
TRISHA JUST GOT OFFERED
HER OWN COOKING SHOW
AND QUIT.
-GET OUT.
-NO, IT’S TRUE.
NO, I’M TALKING TO YOU.
GET OUT.
THAT PEAR-SHAPED BITCH
WAS MAKING SIX FIGURES
WORKING PART TIME.
WHERE THE HELL AM I
GONNA FIND ANOTHER
FOOD EDITOR
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE?
DID YOU SAY SIX FIGURES
OR STICK FIGURES?
HEY.
CRAZY IDEA.
GABI, YOU WOULDN’T
HAVE ANY INTEREST
IN BEING OUR
FOOD EDITOR, WOULD YOU?
-SERIOUSLY?
-ABSOLUTELY.
I THINK YOU’RE
THE MODERN VOICE
OF FOOD TODAY.
AND SO MUCH PRETTIER
THAN THAT COW TRISHA.
OH MY GOD, LOGAN,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THIS WOULD BE
MY DREAM JOB.
THE ANSWER IS YES!
YES, YES, YES,
GABI.
WAKE UP.
JOSH?
I THINK YOU SAMPLED
TOO MANY OF YOUR RECIPES.
YOU PASSED OUT HARD.
I’M NOT THE FOOD EDITOR
OF SAN FRANCISCO MONTHLY?
NO.
OH MY GOD,
OH MY GOD,
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD,
I HAVE TO GET THESE IN BY 3:00
AND IT’S TOTALLY
DARK OUTSIDE.
TELL ME THERE’S
A SOLAR ECLIPSE!
-IT’S 9:00 PM.
-NO!
I MISSED MY DEADLINE
‘CAUSE I WAS STONED!
(growls)
THIS STUFF
SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.
GUESS WHO’S BACK TO BEING
A 23-YEAR-OLD LOSER?
WELL, NOT ME,
SO IT MUST BE YOU.
HEY, THAT’S MEAN.
OH, I’M SORRY.
SUCCESS HAS CHANGED ME.
COME ON,
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
WELL, I GOT STONED
OFF MY OWN FOOD,
FELL ASLEEP
IN A PILE OF LAUNDRY
AND MISSED MY DEADLINE
NOW LOGAN
WON’T EVEN SEE ME!
AT LEAST
I’M A SUCCESS AT FAILING.
LOOK AT YOU
FINDING THE SILVER LINING.
POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
THAT’S CHAPTER V OF
MR. STUBNER’S BOOK.
I AM ALSO REWATCHING
HIS TED TALK
AND FOLLOWING
HIS DOG ON TWITTER.
I AM GONNA NAIL
THIS INTERVIEW TOMORROW.
I DON’T EVEN WANT
TO SEE THESE ANYMORE.
WHOA, NO, WE PUT A LOT
OF MONEY INTO THESE.
CHAPTER VIII–
NEVER WASTE INVENTORY.
LET ME SEE IF THESE
ARE ANY GOOD.
WAIT. HOLD ON.
THEY’RE REALLY STRONG.
BITCH, PLEASE.
YOU THINK LIL SO-SO’S AFRAID
OF A LITTLE CHRONIC?
OH MY GOD.
GABI, THESE ARE DELICIOUS.
I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA.
OH MY GOD,
THESE ARE AMAZING.
THEY MAKE ME WISH
I WASN’T ALREADY STONED.
YEAH, THEY’RE THAT GOOD.
AND THEY’RE SMALL,
SO YOU WON’T BE FULL
WHEN YOU GET THE MUNCHIES.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I’LL GIVE YOU
FIVE BUCKS A PIECE.
10.
EIGHT AND I’LL THROW IN
A DOLPHIN BONG.
NINE. MAKE IT TWO VAPORIZERS
AND I’M GONNA NEED A COPY
OF MY PASSPORT NOTARIZED.
YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN,
BUT DEAL.
CAN YOU GET ME 100
BY NEXT WEEK?
AT $9 A PIECE.
THAT’S $9,000.
YES.
YES, IT IS.
-MISS RODRIGUEZ?
-MR. STUBNER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
OH MY GOD.
THIS IS NOT
WHERE I READ
TO THE BLIND.
SOFIA, WE BOTH KNOW
MY JOB IS STRESSFUL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I DO DURING ALL THOSE
BATHROOM BREAKS?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD I.B.S.
MINI QUICHE, MR. STUBNER?
OH, OH,
DON’T MIND IF I DO.
VERY IMPRESSIVE
NEGOTIATION, BY THE WAY.
REALLY?
THANK YOU.
YOU WERE DIRECT
AND NO NONSENSE.
WE ADMIRE THAT
AT THE FIRM.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU DON’T NEED TO INTERVIEW.
THE PROMOTION IS YOURS.
OH MY GOD.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.
SOFIA.
SOFIA, WAKE UP!
I WON’T LET YOU DOWN,
MR. STUBNER.
WHAT? WAKE UP.
YOU FELL ASLEEP.
WHAT?
I DID?
OH.
SO I’M NOT MR. STUBNER’S
NEW JUNIOR VICE PRESIDENT?
NO.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
10:00 AM.
OH MY GOD,
I SLEPT THROUGH MY INTERVIEW!
WHY DIDN’T YOU WAKE ME UP?
I’M IRRESPONSIBLE!
IT’S KIND OF MY THING!
MR. STUBNER HAS AN ENTIRE
CHAPTER IN HIS BOOK
ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE
OF BEING PUNCTUAL.
HE’LL NEVER PROMOTE ME NOW.
GOD.
I’M A 23-YEAR-OLD
LOSER AGAIN.
WELL, WELCOME BACK.
THE PLASTIC SILVERWARE
AND STOLEN KETCHUP PACKETS
HAVE MISSED YOU.
WELL, AT LEAST
WE STILL HAVE JOBS.
YEAH.
UNLESS WE GET FIRED
FOR BEING TOTALLY LATE!
I DID IT!
I FINALLY CAME UP
WITH A WAY TO ASK FOR A RAISE.
I MADE A RECORDING
ON MY PHONE
OF ME ASKING FOR ONE
IN A CALM CONFIDENT VOICE.
THAT I’M GOING TO LIP SYNC TO
WHEN I MEET WITH JOSH.
IS YOUR BOW TIE ON TOO TIGHT?
YOU JUST WATCH.
Josh, it’s me…
Elliot, your hardworking,
competent
and favorite employee.

-of many years.
-(cat screeches)

Fluffykins, no!
I’LL EDIT THAT OUT.
So in summation,
I would really appreciate
an increase in salary,

more commonly known
as a raise.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THAT WAS THE WORST KUNG FU
MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN.
-HEY, IS LUNCH READY?
-SURE IS!
TA-DA!
WHAT’S ALL THIS?
IT’S A SPECIAL LUNCH
THAT I MADE FOR YOU.
NOT A LOT OF BOSSES
WILL LET THEIR EMPLOYEES
TAKE A FIVE-HOUR NAP
ON THE LAUNDRY ROOM FLOOR.
YUP. NOT A LOT OF EMPLOYEES
WOULD DO THAT.
LISTEN, CAN I
ASK YOU SOMETHING?
-IS IT PERSONAL?
-NO, IT’S COMPLETELY
WORK-RELATED.
-ASK AWAY.
-OKAY.
SO HAVE YOU
EVER BEEN SO CLOSE
TO GETTING SOMETHING
THAT YOU REALLY WANTED
AND THEN IT JUST
SLIPPED THROUGH YOUR FINGERS?
WHAT I’M ASKING IS
HOW DO YOU DEAL
WITH FAILURE?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
-IT SUCKS.
-RIGHT?
YEAH, YOU FEEL HORRIBLE.
YOU TRY TO STOP
THINKING ABOUT IT,
BUT YOU KEEP PLAYING IT
OVER IN YOUR HEAD
OVER AND OVER,
AND THEN YOUR FRIENDS
START PITYING YOU,
SO YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM
YOU’VE MOVED ON.
BUT HOW DO YOU
GET PAST IT?
I DON’T KNOW.
JUST PRETEND YOU’RE FINE.
IT BUYS YOU TIME
UNTIL HOPEFULLY YOU
REALIZE THAT…
EVERYTHING HAPPENS
FOR A REASON
AND MAYBE THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT
BECAUSE THERE’S SOMETHING
BETTER OUT THERE FOR YOU.
SOMETHING BETTER
THAN COOKING
WITH DRUGS?
I THINK YOU’RE RIGHT.
-THANKS, JOSH.
YOU’RE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.
-BOSS.
-FRIEND-BOSS.
-BOSS-FRIEND.
OKAY.
SO WHAT’S THIS IMPORTANT THING
YOU NEEDED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
(reading)
IS THIS WHY
YOU’VE BEEN ACTING SO WEIRD?
OKAY, SO HOW MUCH
WERE YOU THINKING?
OKAY, ELLIOT, SURE.
YAY!
SEE? THAT WASN’T
DIFFICULT, WAS IT?
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
YOU CAN COME TO ME
FOR ANYTHING.
-THANKS, JOSH.
-YOU’RE WELCOME.
SINCE THIS WAS YOUR FIRST TIME
ASKING FOR A RAISE,
ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
I DON’T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE
YOUR SHIRT OFF?
-ELLIOT.
-SORRY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
AFTER ALL YOU’VE DONE,
I’LL DO IT.
(club music playing)
MORE, MORE, MORE!
ELLIOT, WAKE UP.
YOU FELL ASLEEP!
JOSH DIDN’T
TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF
AND DANCE FOR ME?
NO.
AND YOU STILL MAKE
MORE MONEY THAN ME?
YEAH.

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